I Love You, But You Must Go

Love means different things to different people.

From the outset, let us understand that love, as it is being defined, does not equate the satisfying of sexual desires.  Sexual expression satisfies a passionate physical need which may not be, even remotely, associated with true love.

Real love is an emotion that unites, creating a desire to share an intimate spiritual bond. Separated lovers feel an anxious desire to communicate, a longing for the time when once more, physical presence is a shared reality.

Genuine affection is unselfishness personified.   Fulfilling the needs of the loved one is uppermost in the lover’s heart; that unselfish giving will result in mutual joy and satisfaction is secondary.

The love of a mother for a child is the first, foremost evidence that humans are capable of this degree of devotion.

Bonds forged, even before birth, fill the Mother with awe.

That she is capable of such unselfish raw emotion and the recognition of a willingness to sacrifice herself for her child opens a new world to her.

Now she understands the wisdom in the loving words of her own mother: “Now, you will truly understand how much I love you.”

Never has unselfish giving to a person so selfish, demanding, and utterly dependent on her brought such pleasure or sense of accomplishment.

The lesson will not be lost. A child begins to realize satisfying his caregiver’s needs contributes to his own pleasure and satisfaction.

Independence distances him from his parents.

Wise parents recognize relaxing control, encouraging independence can be emotionally painful; it is a loving unselfish act to nurture the need for separation that becomes apparent as the baby becomes a child, then an adolescent.

To youths not allowed gradual freedom, demanded independence becomes a jolting experience.

The love of parent for child is the only love that has separation as its goal.

How sad when that separation comes as a result of the child’s dissatisfaction with his parents, their values and their goals.  “I can do better than they did!”   In too many cases that is not true!

The question may forever haunt each: “You’re mine and I love you, but why?”

When, gradually, the coiled spring of dependence is released; a confident, disciplined, caring young adult can go into the world determined to make it a better place.

This separation is not an expression of rebellion; it is a desire to satisfy a restlessness, to be apart of something bigger, to make things better.

They are separated by distance, but that desire to share an intimate spiritual bond, the longing to communicate, anticipating the time when once more, physical presence can be a shared reality is still there.

For parent, for child, the sentiment is the same: “I love you—I am proud of you–I miss you.”